I only have two more hours to eat something fabulous. I should have planned this better: the meal itself, and having any sort of appetite. Nancy’s cosmic message of the day has worked. “Pretend it isn’t happening.” April and Nicole took the children, and Paige and I went for pedicures like carefree bridesmaids. But now that the little boys are clean and tucked in, the bag is packed, and the evening hours of waiting loom ahead, I cannot continue the denial.

Tomorrow will be a great and successful day. It is, in fact, Adam’s (my plastic surgeon) birthday. I spent a good part of the weekend trying to purchase something truly spectacular and very expensive for him. As it turns out, salespeople in those kinds of stores are just dreadful and never guess that I do not browse. So although Adam is coming in on his week off, and his birthday to boot, I’ve got nothing but a thank you note for the worst day of my life.

Tomorrow is super awesome because it is the day that I get rid of breast cancer! Hooray! Yay! Yeah. Yup. It’s the only way I can wrap my head around it, and it still sucks. SUCKS. But it beats dying. And I will happily, gratefully endure anything to stay with this man I married and these two very cute creatures we created.

Tomorrow I say goodbye to my body. And have many thank yous for it. It’s gotten me out of a few speeding tickets, and into any number of clubs and fantastic dresses. These loyal body parts have earned me discounts, ogling, dates, cat calls, the bartender’s attention, and I’ll finally admit it… that A in high school physics. I’m sad about it. I didn’t answer messages today because I’m unable to make light of it. And those of you who had to hear my voice (Dad) might have suffered the more for it.

Cancer Free Britt promises to be more cheery. In the meantime, the sea of prayers arrives in waves that tell me everything will be fine, better than fine, actually kind of miraculous. I never feel alone. What a blessing to able to type that and for it to be true! I am in His hands and your prayers and trust both entirely.

Chocolate. Red wine. Ativan. I have until midnight