Fireworks

When did it become popular and edgy to be an asshole about fireworks? I get that our beloved furry friends aren’t a huge fan of the week-long boom boom booming. No one loved Brandy, the Stockton Family golden retriever, more than we did. But Brandy was scared of the vacuum cleaner and lived a long, happy life amidst a more than weekly aural assault by the electric closet monster. It never occurred to us to find a less terrifying dust sucker or resort to sweeping. And fireworks are for all of us. They’re colorful and fun and celebratory and magical (except when they are blowing off the bits of amateurs). I say more fireworks. MORE.

Here at the Cape, we’re getting more. The neighborhood show is tonight and I’m as excited as a little kid who yells, “AGAIN!” after each blast. July 4th celebrations coincide with Bernie’s birthday (and mine a few days away), picture postcard weather, and Lees taking vacation days by the beach. We have resting smile faces. The biggest decision today will be where to nap.

Because we’re human, there are a few real stressors lurking. As we sit here draining the coffee pot, Bernie says aloud what we’re both thinking: ugh, there’s a lot of work to do. However, we have decided to actively NOT THINK about it today. So I’m not thinking about the large and expensive home improvement project that is delayed because my contractor’s truck and tools were stolen, or that he somehow crashed my car mere minutes after borrowing it. Nope. There’s a cookout and fireworks later.

I’ve never been a small stuff sweater, but Bernie is a champion at putting the bigger things (like crashed cars) into perspective, too. Summertime makes me more aware of the Big Picture. Maybe there is more time for reading, for prayer, for real relaxation. Maybe it’s also because summertime is a rather constant reminder of cancer for me. Bathing suits that have outstretched their ability to hide scars and summer friends who ask in hushed concern, “how’ve you been… are you OK?” are prompts to recall the whole scary time. To be clear, it’s sweet that they ask; after all, they watched me grow hair for three summers. And I am OK. So does it matter that the car we hardly use is in the shop? Nope. There’s a cookout and fireworks later.

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Phototherapy

Today is my Cancer-versary. All day I’ve been morbidly imagining a Jacquie Lawson whimsical, animated e-card for this, though I doubt there’s some cutesy montage of a woodland animal getting scared fur-less then starting a blog. Last year, this day was a tough one. This year I’m inventing really inappropriate Christmas greetings in my head as Tinyprints offers no canned holiday slogans for the cancered. I should probably exorcize them prior to sitting down to the actual task.

Merry Christmas from ALL FOUR Lees! Not dead! Yay!!

Still here—Hair-allulia!

Wishing you a wonderful New Year (knock on wood)!

April came over today to exchange gifts, check in, and make sure I hadn’t started drinking, or possibly join me if I had (…these are the things friends do). Two years ago today, I took the life-changing call in her living room. One year ago, to mark a shitty year completed, April organized a trip to Turks & Caicos for our families (…these are the things April does). Her gift to me this year was a bound photo album of that vacation: 38 pages of gorgeous, warm, sun-kissed memories. If today was always going to be about looking backwards with fear and sadness, this lovely book of pictures flipped the switch on that.

Brodie just padded down the stairs with are-you-mad-I’m-still-awake reluctance. He’s deep into the fourth Percy Jackson, and it had gotten a little creepy. It had also gotten quite late past the allotted reading time, but I can never muster any real parental sternness for this transgression. I think many of us remember unsanctioned school night flashlight reading for just one… more… chapter. Usually mommy hugs and expert bed-tucking are the cure for the Can’t Sleeps, but tonight Brodie requested something else:

I need something good to replace the scary things in my head.

Indeed. Though I was going to save it for Christmas, Brodie needed it now. I pulled out the Anderson and Lee Family Adventure book and we reminisced over the images, erasing chapters of spooky monsters, and months of cold terror with the turn of each page. Brodie returned to his cozy bed dreaming of conch shell diving and night swimming and paddle boarding and sea turtles. I returned to my keyboard to write April (this) little thank you for a more-than-she-could-ever-know magical gift of pictures.

Anniversaries are powerful. The sights and smells of Christmastime may always harbor a twinge of fear, hesitation, superstition, and gloom for me. I still haven’t set foot in April’s living room, and I’m growing my hair like I’m trying to prove something. Certainly the cure for scary memories is to outnumber them with fabulous ones. And to do that, all I need is to surround myself with these wonderful people I call family and friends… and to stick around for many more photos.

Two years. Hair. Here. Happy. Hallelujah.

From April's book... me and the boys and a mop of hair and smiles all around

From April’s book… me and the boys and a mop of hair and smiles all around