Are you chastising yourself for avoiding the gym during the 12 days of Christmas (and beyond)? For me, it’s the first thing I’ll drop. Happily. But I’ve been so much better at the barre, and have really loved what sustained plies are doing to my bits, but there’s just no time. Then, eureka (!), today I realized something grand:
CHRISTMAS IS CARDIO.
Seriously, friends. I have never made this many trips to and from the car, doing a shivering half-run that totally counts as jogging. This morning I broke down 114 boxes because recycle dudes who don’t appreciate my more-Jenga-than-Tetris assemblage of Amazon Prime containers will leave a nasty note. You know how long it took to break down all of those boxes? Like, half a spin class. And though I wasn’t sweating, afterwards there were foam peanut pieces and cardboard dust particles everywhere, so I had to bust out the Dyson. MORE CARDIO.
The boys are enjoying their first week of school vacation, which all parents know means… EXERCISE. My nerdy children spend untold hours in front of screens and almost never leave the house. But dammit if they won’t stop making laundry (of the multi-layered/inside-out variety) and expecting proper meals instead of baked goods and gift cheeses. The laundress and short order cook gigs are definitely burning calories, especially because in between loads and meals, I’m wrapping presents. This is total ab work.
Anyone who was ever a gymnast or dancer or bendy kind of girl probably wraps gifts the way I do: straddled on the floor, using my knees to support a package to get that perfect, hospital corner effect on the ends. Maybe other, former twirly girls aren’t as insane as I am about having perfectly wrapped gifts. Their loss. But seriously, try it: AB WORK. It’s also the only time of the year I use my former surgeon skills, whipping out one-handed ties with double-faced satin ribbon and probably burning more calories than using the stick-on bows.
Have a series of rotating guests over the holidays? Well then, you can extend that hold on actual gym classes because the slightly shrunk fitted sheet will really blast your core. Making and remaking beds is the new (or at least seasonal) planking. Moving all of the junk piles from one place to another to fake a tidy house, then repeated closet-spelunking to find missing items? Holiday burpees. A well-rounded exercise regimen should include weight-bearing exercises, and frequent trips to Gary’s Liquors are keeping my arms toned and bones strong. Probably.
We think we’re exhausted because there is so much to do. But we’re actually tired because this constant cardio is us getting it all done. In heels. I mean, with all of this actual exercise happening, it’s no wonder our bodies are craving carbs (cookies) and good fats (“good” meaning yummy and also meaning cheese). We’re all bound to be bikini bodied by brunch on New Years!
Merry Christmas, friends. I see you out there getting it all done. And I’m raising a glass (or three) to you… because wine is good for circulation. There are studies.