Front Yard Pursuits

Good morning, friends who still read blogs. I hardly get past headlines anymore. Everything in the news is so exhausting, traumatic, biased, unkind, sensational, and so rarely… fun. But Bernie and I have been giggling for weeks on this little tidbit that I share for you here.

Before Hero’s very routine, but upsetting (for all of the boys in the house) neutering surgery, Bernie and I were taking long morning walks with the puppy. Often we were also listening to Morning Prayer, which live-streams on Facebook from Church of the Redeemer at 9:30am. Honestly, 25-year-old Britt, who thought pet ownership was a huge drag and God a myth at best, would not recognize this woman nearly twice her age. In any case, we were getting close to the house where Hero always freaks out a little.

“Watch this. Hero always barks here. I think it’s the swing.”

Right on cue, our prancing puppy stopped in his tracks, lowered his tail, and started growling down the driveway. The swing was, as usual, empty and oscillating in the breeze, tethered to the same overhead branch we see every single day. I mused aloud to Bernie that I am convinced ghosts exist and that Hero sees them.

Bernie was chuckling.

“That is an odd swing.”

I hadn’t really considered it. I mean it isn’t a cute hanging bench or even a quaint tire… it’s just a swing. Bernie continued,

“I mean, it’s odd to have that in the front yard.”

Is outdoor swinging a backyard-only pursuit? I hadn’t thought of that. Hero was still straining at the leash, desperate again to check out the swinging ghost.

“Britt. The swing is for one person. And… IT HAS STIRRUPS.”

OMG. Every day I pass a house where Hero barks at a sex swing. My ghost theory was swiftly debunked, and ewww why is this interesting to the doggie. Do they actually use it? Do you think they got it on super sale and have no idea what it is? Was it a gag gift turned permanent lawn ornament to alarm, amuse, or annoy nosy neighbors? WHY IS IT IN THE FRONT YARD.

Naturally, we’ve been working Sex Swing into conversations for weeks, so I guess it was no surprise that Facebook is now offering Bernie ads for one.

“Look! Price isn’t bad…”

Not bad at all. Father’s Day is right around the corner, and our front yard is chock-full of sturdy branches.

vblew-tireswing

Couldn’t bring myself to put a picture of a sex swing here. But my suggested items from Amazon have now taken an interesting turn.

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