Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain. Two gut-punching suicides that have people asking “Why them? They had it all!” Sure, Bourdain lived a hard life, but Kate Spade, the queen of whimsy? She was wealthy, adored and…
Depressed.
We need better words. One of the biggest disservices to the field of mental health is to call the diagnosis of “depression” by the name “depression.” Everyone “gets depressed.” It’s a commonplace word: “I’m so depressed the meeting I planned fell through.” “The ending of that show was too depressing.” “He’s too depressing to be around.”
None of these examples has anything to do with the psychological definition of Depression.
People who live with depression are wired differently. Our brains perceive life differently than those who do not have depression. Let me put it another way.
Suppose you were born left-handed in this predominantly right-handed world. Suppose that was considered OK from time to time, but generally not an excuse to use your dominant hand. Righties would say “Why are you using your left hand? Your right hand works perfectly well.” Or, “I had a cousin who was left handed, but with a lot of work, he forced himself to use his right hand.” Or, “Why not just use your right hand? You wouldn’t need the special scissors.”
But I’m still a lefty, you’d say. I’d like to be a righty, but everything comes out all wobbly and it’s so uncomfortable. Can’t you just understand I’m part of the 10 percent of the population that is left handed?
Depression is exhausting. And it’s cruel. It tells you terrible things about yourself. That’s why Ms. Spade and Mr. Bourdain died. I can’t speak for their experiences, but I can speak for my own and what I know to be true from many other patients with depression: our minds become ruthless bullies. They tell us the meanest things about ourselves. They stockpile ammunition and open fire. And we have to sit there and take it because, well, it’s coming from our own brains.
45,000 people committed suicide in 2016. Suicide rates are up 30 percent just since 1999, according to NBC news. Only about half of those victims were known to have a mental health diagnosis. We do not talk about this issue enough, and when we do, we don’t really know what we’re talking about, or when we do, Depression is conflated with “feeling depressed.”
News organizations have taken to posting suicide hotline numbers when they run stories about suicide. That’s a responsible act of journalism, but it’s like running the number for 911 in an article about a car accident. People with depression know there is help, but their brain is telling them it’s time to die. The evil mix of ill-behaving neurotransmitters and whatever they have been through in life lands on a singular message: You must kill yourself.
Even in that moment, they know they have friends they can call. They know there are hotlines. But they are not interested in anything other than stopping that message, stopping the pain.
I suggest much more empathy in this area. As someone who has lived with anxiety and depression since the days of mixtapes, I’ve heard lots of well-meaning (and sometimes not so well-meaning) people say it all: “You’ve got a great life. What do you have to be depressed about?” (I don’t know. What do you have to be left-handed about?) “There are lots of people who have it worse off than you.” (Yes. And I still have depression.) “Just smile. How hard is it just to be happy?” (As hard as it would be for you to become left-handed while people insisted you use the regular scissors.)
My personal experience with this rotten condition has been horrid. I am certain I would have been more successful in my career without depression. For years, especially when I was younger, I wasn’t treated properly. As I got older, I was blamed for the illness that gripped me, as though it was a choice I made. I was called “lazy,” and put on meds that had me gain a ton of weight. People I loved mocked my illness, likely out of discomfort they may have it themselves. (They’re not much in the picture anymore.) In any case, there was not a lot of empathy.
We can’t stop suicide and depression. But we can understand it a lot better. I raise money for Movember, which supports research for men’s cancer and also the depression that can accompany it. This is something tangible I feel I can do. But all of us can do this: we can stop telling people with depression to “cheer up.” We can be more sensitive to this very real, very misunderstood disease.
Those of us with depression do not want to be treated as a protected class. We don’t want special rights or to be treated gently. You can’t make me depressed any more than you can make me a lefty. Empathy and acceptance are an enormous gift to those struggling to ignore the mean messages from their own minds.
Think about Robin Williams. Think about Kate Spade. Think about Anthony Bourdain. Think about the joy they brought you in their unique ways. Think about what you would have said to them, knowing they were going to take their lives. “Don’t do that” would not have worked. Instead of shameful, head-shaking whispers, let’s acknowledge suicide as the growing epidemic it is, and insist health care do more to support mental health.
Depression is not about what we have; it’s about what has us.
Blooms and Bubbles 
Thank you for sharing Britt! Such a good message. 🙏🏼
Thank you, Deborah.
Thank you for putting this disease in words that make sense. As someone who struggles with depression, (and hasn’t had the courage to even share it with many people), I sincerely appreciate how well you articulated what it feels like.
Steve is a generous and wonderful writer, indeed.
Great post. As a depressive myself I understand what depression does and why people commit suicide. The question i’m wondering now is why are rates skyrocketing??
I know we need better research around this question. It floors me to know so many people read about Kate and Anthony and thought, “I get that.” Steve certainly tapped into that, too, and why I felt like this post was so necessary right now.
Amen. Better research would help answer a LOT of questions. We can only start answering those questions once we’re comfortable asking them.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention funds research about us depressives. Check them out.
Thank you for adding this. xoxo
Although, we appear to be more connected through social media, I feel social media is the root cause of most of the social and psychological issues we are experiencing.
Research on EXACTLY THIS is necessary.
Totally agree. It’s more isolating than we realize
I couldn’t agree more.
The rate have risen 25% since 1999 and are up 125% from 50 years ago.
This terrifies me.
Which seems crazy to me. Are the reported cases accurate from before or were they more covered up??
Not sure “covered up” is correct, but under-diagnosed, certainly.
The tools that physicians, therapists of all categories, and other health care personnel have today are much better at helping to diagnose, and treat, clinical depression.
We still have to work on stigma within the populace.
And, in my opinion, we also need to convince the medical research community to do more research into that vulnerable area of chemical makeup: for example, why are some folks in the same family never depressed and one or two are always depressed? is it a missing enzyme or other chemical? Are the current choice of drugs masking or helping? For that matter, what is function? Is the use of technology from phones to computers, etc., exacerbating depression? Is the evolution from agriculture and industrial labor to office labor preventing us from using certain synapses that are messing with our brains.
So many questions and, alas, so few answers!
I really think you’re on to something here.
Hi Kristi,
I am pretty even kiel. I am not depressed although Yo have my moments.
I occured a Brain Injury in 10/17 and was put on Bacoflen and Amitriptelene.
I uncontrollable screamed and yelled at my daughter for about 20 minutes and then realized to take myself out of the situation.
I got in my car and drove crying and thought I should drive off a cliff but what cliff. I was ready to find a cliff and then thought this is not me what Am I thinking. I told the doctor he told me never to use these Meds again.
I can not help but think some of these people do this medication and because they suffere from depression they can not pull them selfs out of the thoughts .
Also , I was given only 10percent of what they give people who sre diagnosed Depressed
Yes Kelley, very true, especially when you consider all of the drugs fight against each other as well, well said
Many reasons why. But I think people are feeling more and more disconnected in this era of technologies and materialistic values. Nothing new…
I suspect it has to do with permission. Those who commit suicide show those who are standing on the edge of the diving board that it is possible to take the plunge into the unknown rather to climb back down with all the shame that backing away from the edge brings.
I wonder.
But at the same time, for some of us that reminds us to get help. Its complicated.
I wonder the same. Technology? Is it isolating us? What else has changed so drastically?
Society has changed.More violence, more responsibility. More failure. Less support. Leeds interaction. Less hope…people are meaner. They don’t even greet each other on the street. They smile less..always in a rush. Constantly working to accomplish something more tangible but losing a part of their compassion and humanity along the way.
Thank you for this. My husband is struggling with depression and battling demons in his head. He gets up & goes to work, handles things that come up, loves and supports our children, but…. he’s in a brain battle He whole time. And I forget. I’m trying to learn how to support him. I just honestly don’t know how. But I do know this, he is not just sad. His demons are real and his challenges are real. I’m “the fixer” in the family. I’m the one our kids come to if they need to talk things through, look for solutions, get advice. It breaks my heart to say to my husband “I can’t fix this.”
Paula, by knowing you cannot “fix” this, you already understand so much more than most people, you’re already helping. I pray for peace and freedom from the brain battle for your husband, and all who somehow handle all the things while battling demons.
Right. It’s not your job to cure your husband’s depression, Paula. You’re not qualified, anyway. And, I suspect, he doesn’t expect you to, any more than he’d expect you to set a broken arm. Learn as much as you can, show as much empathy as you can, and sometimes just sitting with him and saying “I don’t know how to fix this, but I’m in it with you” goes a long, long way.
Does anyone know how to fix this, obviously not and that’s the sad truth.If the professionals are failing then we cannot feel like we are failing our loved ones, it’s bigger than all of us. I wish there was an answer.
What are you talking about….
The solution of depression is simple.
It is called love.
I am surrounded by love from my husband, 3 beautiful boys and my parents yet I suffer from major depression. . So if love is the answer why am I depressed. .. very ignorant comment. .
Yes. And I’m not surprised to see it, or the conspiracy theories that actual cures are being kept from us because of Big Pharma. Steve and I have been writing for years, and both of us had invasive cancer that required surgery and chemotherapy. We write about THAT disease all of the time. Internet strangers will always post their homespun cures or tell us to pray our way out of life threatening mitosis. A devoted Jesus girl, I’ll take the prayers… and the chemo. To put a pretty little bow of “love cures depression” may have been written with a a pure heart and need for levity, but it doesn’t help. Instead, it belittles the stories and struggles of those who are sharing.
Britt..Thanks for sharing your story. Beautifully said. You and Steve are in many prayers, I’m sure. Wishing the best to you!
Agree. Knowing you’re loved may just make you feel guilty that it isn’t fixing you, and that your loved ones have pain and confusion that their love isn’t working.
Agree. Knowing you’re loved may just make you feel guilty that it isn’t fixing you, and that your loved ones have pain and confusion that their love isn’t working.
I am surrounded by love from my husband, 3 beautiful boys and my parents yet I suffer from major depression. . So if love is the answer why am I depressed. .. very ignorant comment. .
You are 100% right. Accessing those feelings when you are depresses is not always possible. Even allowing yourself to be loved is not possible. The mind is a very powerful organ. It gets in the way of the heart.
That can’t fix it
Have you tried medication and or therapy? Sometimes support groups help. I am fortunate that medication helps me as well as support groups.
You are so strong, make sure to also take care of yourself 💖
I’m so sorry for your family. I am the sick one in my family. My poor husband is sometimes tortured.
Try to see him as covered in a cloak of darkness. They call it a “demon” for an reason. It wraps us, convinced us nothing is worth breathing, everyone would be better off without us. The cloak is heavy. The darkness is the bottom of a well. Every emotional nerve is tender. There is a ladder, but you can’t crawl out.
My husband is a saint. Also, this extreme version of darkness isnseasonal for me, so he gets a break. I am working hard to do everything I can to keep the demons off. It’s terrifying, because right now, all I can see is color and gratitude. But winter is coming.
Exercise and diet are not cliches. They are steps out of the well. It may be a placebo, but vitamin D has helped. If he doesn’t get light at work, get him a light box. The warm heat of only 30 minutes of light is shockingly effective. Download Woabot. It’s an amazing tool to teach cognitive skills.
Don’t give up on him. If he had cancer, it would suck, but you’d stay and love him.
When generous people like you share your stories and strategies, we all benefit.
I am convinced we are genetically altering ourselves and our brain with gmo foods, plastics and pollution. It may seem naive but I’m convinced. My son was hospitalized and suffers anxiety/depression. His friends, on a regular basis call him for help because they think he can understand why they contemplate suicide. It’s frightening. We will continue to support mental health research.
It is frightening. A murderer lurking in your very brain. Research is certainly necessary. If any other disease was suddenly 30% more fatal, there would be millions of dollars to figure out why.
I’m not convinced about the GMOs, but that’s the point. We don’t know. We need more research. And that will only come with money. Where are the marches and months dedicated to this? Where are the all-night walks and fundraisers? We need to speak its name before we can get answers. We need obituaries to say “Died after taking his life” rather than “died suddenly.” We need to get real.
I agree with you Britt
Amanda
Britt, you just hit on a fear of mine. I’ve been on an anti-depressant for years and the two times I tried to give them up I went into black despair. But I wonder if this is also a component of depression. I have a terrible fear of walking across a bridge over water and avoid doing so or stay as far away from the edge as I can. fearing something inside me will cause me to jump over the side, as though this “thing” has control of me. Your mention of a murderer lurking inside my very brain fits that fear exactly. I wonder if other depressives have such a fear (or even a fear of jumping off a high balcony or such thing). I never thought before of it being part of my depression.
I’m not sure how universal these feelings are. When Steve sent me this essay, I just knew that there had to be many that could relate.
So true.
Sorry, but GMO food is no more dangerous than anything else you put in your body.
Pollution alone can explain many things.
But nothing can explain better than a crap diet. A GMO’d vegetable, fruit, grain, or meat is healthier than any meal that comes in a package or can.
https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery#1
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Well said and worth the read.
Excellent article and right on point!
So many hide their depression and pain. At the age of 14, my son hung himself. My pain was excruciating and yet I did not end my life. I realized then, the magnitude of the pain that drives someone to take theirs. We need to talk openly, we need to listen, we need to support. One of my son’s friends said “Kevin did not end his pain, he spread it around”. This is the truth of suicide. All those who know you carry your pain for the rest of their lives. If you are in pain and suicidal, tell someone. If you are afraid for a friend tell someone. Let us carry your pain and lighten your burden. We would rather share your pain and have you in our lives.
This is so true. It’s terrifying and difficult to help our loved ones with this disease. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m thinking of Kevin tonight… and you, who is likely helping others by talking about him. xxoo
That is very true. My partner committed suicide 5 years back. The pain left behind has changed my life. I wish he had shared his pain and struggle when alive. As much as I would not have been able to save him, at least I would feel that I was there for him.
Did not intend to post anonymously. Kevin is my son
I don’t think the left hand analogy is useful.
And I wonder why the voices & mental health therapies have not been addressed?
Sorry you didn’t like my metaphor. It’s imperfect, to be sure. I wanted something people could relate to easily. And there are lots of aspects I could address. It’s a long blog entry as it is. I’m glad it has sparked conversation.
I think it is a good metaphor, it is how we are born and you are constantly trying to conform to what the world said is how you should be. And if you have trouble with conforming then let me give you meds, teaching and talking to others to fix you. All of this does not change what your brain keeps tell you. They are merely tools to help you keep fighting and some times people just get So tired of fighting. There’s needs to be more research as to what is the link in the brain that some have this and other don’t. Like Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, then maybe we can start to find what is the root to this and work towards real solutions that may work!!!! And love has nothing to do with it, if it had, Alot of people would have Not taken there lives or even consider it. I hope that science really looks at what the real issue is so to help one that Suffer from this!!!
It makes total sense to me. I know I was born with a “different” brain. I have anxiety, depression and ADHD. I am a quirky person of 62 years. I am married with kids,have been successful in my career but have a hard time controlling the negativity my brain dishes out on a regular basis. Medication , meditation, breathing and extreme exercise have helped me when my mind moves to suicidal thoughts. Coming to terms that I am different and my brain is different has started to lead me more to peace. Therapy has also helped at different points where I felt overwhelmed and incompetent. The lefty analogy is spot on for me. The wold is different for us and you have no idea how hard I must try to smile and be normal.
Beautifully written. Thank you for this.
You said what not to do, but you didn’t say what to do about it.
I suggested practicing empathy. I suggested donating to causes doing research in this field. I told people we need to take the stigma away from mental health. And I wrote we need to insist health insurance do more to cover mental health issues. These, I believe, are strong suggestions and good first steps, but I’m not a doctor.
I’ve been called lazy many times by my own sister, who has decided to block me from her life, children & grandchildren. She is 60. I am 54. I have no family of my own. She says she’s worked hard all her life & doesn’t want to “deal” anymore. She wants to enjoy the rest of her life & own family. Her husband is a Huge part of our demise. They are “righteous” & Religious. And we have a parent & aunt who both commited suicide. My own family has turned on me….I am anything but “lazy.”
Amen
Amen.
Stevie and I have been trading messages about this today. I cannot think of a less lazy disease than Depression. I have seen a few of these righteous posts in reaction to Kate and Anthony. To this, Steve and I argue how ridiculous it would be for anyone to call us “selfish” for getting cancer and being bald for a year and scaring the crap out of our friends and family. Depression is a disease as deadly as cancer.
I’m sorry about your sister treating you this way. It’s tough to feel all alone even when you’re not depressed. I will pray for you!
Hi Steve, Every time you post something, I learn something. I have little to offer for the knowledge that you have imparted over the years. I know my world is a better place with you in it some where. So I give you love.
Love you too, buddy.
There also needs to be more awareness for borderline personality disorder as the suicide rate is as high as 10%. Something has to be done to save these people.
This is a very important & amazingly well written & informative post. God Bless you!
Thank you!
The mind is a ruthless bully – this is the most accurate description i have ever read and resonanted with me. Nothing anyone can say or
Do to me is even 1/10th of what my own mind does. I can control it sometimes but
It is relentless and never seems to tire
So sad but there is no way to help people suffering from this. There is no way to fix the terrible memories we have. We try to go on and act normal to family &friends as they wouldn’t understand our feelings. I don’t see a good future for me. The military takes you when your 18 and tells you how to act and what to do, you know the things are bad but they tell you there not. Then when there done with you they return you to civilian life and expect you to fit back in.
Have you tried medication and or therapy? Sometimes support groups help. I am fortunate that medication helps me as well as support groups.
For 35 years. Still trying to get it right.
I hope you keep trying. I am glad you are okay here right now.
I’m sorry for your pain! I’m praying for you and all others who are suffering from depression.
Bullshit!
Hi! I’m sorry, but I wrote 1,000 words on the topic. To which are you calling “Bullshit”?
I kinda thought that reply was intended for the “love cures depression” comment.
The Underlying cause of Depression can be diagnosed & treated & cured. Many practitioners are doing this. Medical boards are blocking it due to affiliations with drug companies making millions from anti depressants which are not the answer.
Doctors went into the business to make people healthy, not to keep cures from them. I come from a family of physicians. They are exasperated by such accusations.
That’s like saying one standard treatment can cure cancer or the common cold. The causes are as varied as the people who suffer from them. Depression runs in my family. My grandmother was hospitalized in her later years for it; a sister has NPD; another sister ran her car off the road, not to kill herself but to just “get some rest”; I suffered from psychosomatic illnesses and later, PPD bordering on psychosis; my daughter was a cutter. All are depressive disorders, none manifested in the exact same way or were treated the same way. All gave us negative response triggers to what life was dealing us but none, with the exception of NPD and PPD, were completely organic in their origins.
Depression has many causes, organic, environmental, situational. You can’t treat them all the same, but all should never be shrugged off as a “mood”.
https://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/60-nutritional-biochemical-causes-of-anxiety/
Nice, but she’s plugging her book, and her sources all seem to be from… her book. I’m sure some of what she’s saying is true, and I believe in the food-mind-body connection, but there’s nothing I’ve ever heard from a doctor that says “Eat crap and just take pills.” They all tell me to eat healthier and exercise more.
I have totally been there. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 9. I’m 63. One of my oldest and dearest, and now deceased, friends had the mistaken belief that I’d do better if only I laughed more and would inundate me with jokes. After some 40 years, I emailed him about 200 authoritative articles, studies, and abstracts and told him to find where, in any of them, was a treatment modality that recommended laughing at jokes. To his credit, he read every single one of them and he stopped with the jokes and finally just shut up and listened. It was such a relief.
A relief, indeed. Jokes, turmeric, and no gluten… ugh. Thanks for your words. xxoo
Oh, God. Been there. Been told to “Smile.” Been told to “cheer up.” People mean well, but they feel helpless. They love you, but they feel helpless, so they offer aphorisms.
Robin Williams did not kill him self because of depression. He had Lewy Body disease a truly horrid form of fatal dementia
True. But we’re mostly addressing suicide. And his wife said in an interview that depression was one of the factors. Plus, we’re talking about when the brain takes over and tells you terrible things. I suspect, but don’t know, that Robin’s brain was telling him terrible things. And his family was helpless to cure him. We’re talking about the feeling of hopelessness when it comes to “saving” someone from suicide. I believe Robin’s death falls into that category. I’m no doctor, just a guy who knows what a mean brain can tell you. Thanks for the clarification.
Thank you for this post. As someone who works in the field of mental health I couldn’t agree more that something needs to be done to increase the supports for mental health.
Thank you, Amanda. When professionals in the field weigh in, we are so grateful. Thank you for the work you do, and for reading. xxoo
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Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a daughter with bipolar, depression, and other diagnosis. She is in and out of hospitals. I cannot tell you how much this has open my mind to this disease. Everyone needs to read this. I can understand her now so much better.
Cannot imagine a better compliment. Thank you for reading and joining the discussion. Thinking of you, and your daughter… praying for better answers and treatments. xxoo
I am honored, and I wish the best of care for your daughter. Love to you and your family. You have my deepest wishes for her improvement. I believe the earlier this is caught and treated, the better the odds are for a positive outcome.
Education needs to start at a young age. Our schools are failing those students that suffer from depression as well as their peers. My daughter has been called crazy by friends and told that she should be avoided. The downward spiral is truly heartbreaking.
This is true. My 14 year old learned something on line (not in school) that he taught me about: HALT. When he feels “off” he asks himself am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. And when he cannot land on one of those, he knows he is supposed to get help (even though that is often very difficult). But I think, I hope, their generation is more mindful of their mental health. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. I agree heartily.
I know quite a few people who were of their depression by going yeast, wheat, sugar free and drinking organic turneric tea a few times a day.
( Also adding alot of healthy vegetables, etc)
And I hope for them, that worked. The problem with anecdotal accounts of “cures” is that there is no science behind it. And Stevie and I have gotten our share of well-meaning advice about the turmeric and other, magical means of keeping cancer at bay. Certainly all of us would be healthier to follow this kind of advice, but I think it is dangerous to trot it out as a reasonable treatment plan.
Must… drink… more… turmeric tea…
Not all people with depression are like how you describe. They do not all have ruthless minds bullying them, and it doesn’t always tell you terrible things about yourself. Depression for some is just a feeling, a sence if loss, as being a lost soul. Please don’t assume why someone committed suicide. You have no idea what was going on with them st that time, that moment they chose to end their life. It’s not because of a bully in their head, it can be as simple as I’m done, I don’t want to live this way anymore, I just don’t want to be here. No plan, it just happens that way sometimes.
This analogy won’t ring true for everyone, for sure. Steve was writing what it has been like for him and others who have confided in him. There are no assumptions about that final decision. We cannot ever know. Thank you for sharing another point of view.
You’re absolutely right, which is why i wrote that i couldn’t speak for what was going on in their minds. I also recognize that depression comes in many, many flavors. I’m just trying to give those without depression a sense of the frustration we feel when people can’t understand what we’re going through.
Thank you Deborah for posting. Please read ” An unquiet mind” by Kay Jamieson an amazing story about a psychiatrist who suffered from depression her whole life with some great insights what loved ones can do to help the person.Best book ever written on the subject : a mental health professional struggling with depression. On another note the sister of the Queen of The Netherlands committed suicide this week, she was a psychologist. Depression spares no one.
Does everyone with depression end up committing suicide?…….has anyone ever been cured of depression ?
No and yes. Cures can take a lot of hard work.
Depression is not the trigger for suicide. Anxiety is. And the more media coverage that talks about suicide right now and relates it to Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade is going to cause more suicides. It’s a fact. Suicide is contagious in these circumstances.
Shut this down until a less dangerous time when it won’t trigger people and then bring it home for everyone who can’t get it. This is a really dangerous time for suicidal teens – particularly those who admired Tony and Kate.
This is an important point. I would love to have mental heath professionals weigh in on the “contagious” aspect of suicides. Impossible to shut down the media coverage of anything these days. And most of the comments on Steve’s essay seem grateful for the forum to discuss it. But I’m sure many of us wondered if Kate was still here, would we still have Anthony? We will never know. Is it ever truly dangerous to talk about depression as it relates to suicide? Are there more responsible ways to approach it? I look to our scientists and physicians and therapists for the answer to that.
Thank you for your perspective. I hear your concern, and think it’s an important one to consider.
I’m sorry, but I don’t “shut down” difficult conversations. I believe we need to engage them. The lack of discussion on depression and suicide is the problem. I don’t for a minute think someone is going to read my article and then decide to kill themselves. I’ve read a lot of hope from people. I’ll keep going.
I loved this! It nailed it!
This life is meaningless without a relationship with Jesus, period.
Without being obedient, without this relationship, without love to care for our own soul and the soul of others , without belief that there really is only one God and that depression is from Satan himself we will stay lost and lose the life we are meant to have. Not by my words but by His words, Grace and mercy we can have everyday to heal us and show us how to live in order to have real peace here and beyond 🌈 Stop listening to Satan’s he is a liar. From a mother’s that has lost two sons, I believe 💜
Thanks. I’m Jewish, but always open to others’ perspectives.
Thank you for your words and explanation, he one thing I’d like to add is that depression doesn’t always equal suicide. I think too many people associate depression with suicide and therfore don’t go and get help.
Absolutely correct. Depression does not equal suicide, and suicide does not equal depression. Just sharing one man’s experience.
This is the best, most accurate “insiders” portrayal I have seen. Thank you for this.
You’re very kind to say so. Thank you.
“We can’t stop suicide and depression. But we can understand it a lot better.”
I don’t know if others CAN ever understand it; but to have them accept it exists, and isn’t of our own doing, would be a good start. I hate having to ‘justify’ my depression/feelings to others. I don’t ask them to justify their personal ‘challenge’ to me.
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I would like to understand, but I still can’t.
People with money and nice lives, I just don’t get it.. and believe me I would like to have empathy and compassion towards depression, I really do.
But it sounds so strange to me that someone just pay attention to what their brains say and kill themselves having nice lives and people who love them.
I’m really sorry. I will read more about it to see if I can get it.
An honest answer. I’m sure you’re not the only reader to feel this way. Just trying to “get it” is more helpful than many. Thanks for joining the discussion.
It’s illogical, that’s why it’s so hard to understand. Your brain is altered in a way that only those who have experienced it can understand. I can read all the books I want about what it’s like to have Alzheimer’s, but I will never understand what they go through either.
“45,000 people committed suicide in 2016. Suicide rates are up 30 percent just since 1999, according to NBC news.”
I know your audience is mostly from the US, and it’s perhaps a minor thing, but if you can, please clarify that this is the number of people who committed suicide just in the US. According to the World Health Organization, around 3,000 take their lives daily around the world, over a million a year. It highlights that depression isn’t just a Western thing, and that for many around the world, they lack not only empathy, but resources and institutional support. It’s very challenging when you’re depressed and the culture in which you grew up not only refuses to understand but is hostile toward you, that you’re demonic or corrupted by Western ideas.
But thank you for sharing your experience and insight.
A valid point. Thank you for including this. To be honest, we had no idea that this essay would spread so widely, so quickly. So grateful for everyone reading and commenting so thoughtfully.
Absolutely. Honestly, I never expected this blog entry to go international. I never expected it to leave Massachusetts, for that matter. I’m very thankful- and overwhelmed with gratitude- that this piece has sparked so many discussions. Thank you.
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I have been with my husband for 26 years and everyday we have battled his depression. I have learnt that the best I can do to help him is to constantly reassure him that when he dips into his depressive states…..I am by his side, I won’t leave and I will be there when he comes back up to help him stand up again.
That’s the best possible thing you can do. You’ve got this.
This is a misleading and horrible opinion piece. First of all “depression” being depressed are very similar, and the diagnostic label we use is Major Depressive Disorder, and it is simply a subjective check off list of things you do or don’t do. There’s absolutely no biological cause for that diagnosis, and we specifically rule out true medical disorders when someone is depressed and meets our subject list. There has never been a consistent, replicated study showing a chemical imbalance or neurotransmitter…is out of whack or imbalanced and is causing depression. I’m On One balances are diagnosis hormonal imbalances, thyroid issues causing depression are diagnosed as thyroid issues, when there’s no true medical reason, it becomes a catch Olive psychiatric diagnosing. Just because you don’t understand a psychosocial reason, doesn’t mean there isn’t one there. Even the head of the past head of the FDA, and NIMH, and other prominent researchers have all indicated nobody actually took the chemical imbalance Theory seriously…despite studies showing that over 80% of the general public believe there actually is a chemical imbalance that causes these things. Marketing Ploy by drug companies to get the states that are caused by a host of experience are action fact reduced to neurotransmitter chemical mishaps corrected and or treated with their products. Mental illness is a metaphorical illness, not a real disease as suggested. There has never been a brain scan, any biological test ever used to diagnose a mental illness, which is simply a diagnostic label that literally was made up and voted upon by a group of individuals with ties to drug companies. Mind you we used to say that homosexuality was also due to a chemical imbalance, some sort of brain defect, and was listed as a mental illness. Before that we used to have a mental illness for slaves who wanted to escape their nice Masters. Whenever a diagnostic label becomes Politically Incorrect or people start to not like it, the committee simply votes and boom it’s no longer an illness and or disappears, and or is that included. The chair of the DSM 4, a friend who lectured at our conference a few years ago, when I did this with UCLA, Dr Alan Francis in his new book Saving NORML, highlighted the falsehood that is being put forth over the American public. He was called the most important psychiatrist in the world at one time, and the DSM is not even used by the National Institute of Mental Health anymore because of its lack of validity and reliability. Robin Williams and Kate Spade both did not die because of some chemical imbalance or because of some faulty brain wiring as suggested in the article. The article is ridiculous, and sad that even after death both Robin Williams and Kate Spade are not able to have validation for their actual suffering and the pain. Instead it is reduced to a simple neurotransmitter deficiency that should have been corrected with proper treatment, and therein lies the Absolution of psychiatry and assisting their demise. Fact is, both of them were taking psychiatric medications known to cause suicide, something the media tends to continually not report, that taking these medications actually increase the suicide rate not decrease it… which is why we are seeing increasing rates of suicide, AKA, because more and more people continue to take these drugs. Let’s not forget the fact that of the 12 most widely used antidepressants on the market, 90% can be replicated with taking a sugar pill, Placebo, as noted by the work of dr. Irving Kirsch, Premier researcher in Placebo studies who did a meta-analysis of all antidepressant studies and presented that data to the FDA. Anybody in academics and research know very well antidepressants are basically placebo… with the strong increase in creating suicide, suicidal ideation and aggression homicide. I’m happy to discuss research with anybody, but I’d ask that you first take a look at the actual studies and read information before commenting. http://Www.DrTobyWatson.com
Thank you for your thoughts, Dr. Watson. Steve never professed he was a medical doctor or indicated that his opinion (which it is, indeed) was a general truth. It is simply his experience.
I don’t think any research will help mental illness. It’s just the way you were born.
If nothing will help, then what is the point in expanding “treatment”? What treatment is there?
Please do not take from this essay OR the comments that “nothing will help.” Psychologists who have chimed in are helpful and hopeful about keeping the Depression Beast at bay with any number of meds and techniques. As a scientist, I champion research that will tell us if what we are doing is working, is causing the best outcomes with the least harm, or could be improved.
“Ridiculous and Horrible.” We have a book blurb.
I like it. Catchy.
Sorry – “Misleading and horrible.” Want to make sure I pass the doctor’s high standards for a guy sharing his experience with depression. I only hope he’s more compassionate with his patients than he was smacking my ass down. Anyone wonder why it’s hard for people with depression to go public?
Dr. Toby, I think I agree with much of what you’re saying, but due to typos, stray capitals, poor punctuation, and not separating your relatively long text with paragraphs, it’s difficult to read. “I’m On One balances are diagnosis hormonal imbalances”?!? I also think your characterization of the piece as “horrible” is wrong. I’ve dealt with clinical depression and extreme anxiety all my life, have done a lot of reading and research, and I do agree about SSRIs and other drugs, and about the chemical imbalance theory. But the insights of Mr. Safran are still valid as to how it feels and how we must force a change in society’s attitudes and lack of understanding. I’d ask that if you’re going to disseminate important information as a physician, you slow down and proofread what you’ve written or get someone to do it for you.
The good doctor is trying to make himself look good by making me look bad. The definition of a bully. Let him. I don’t think it will help his practice.
Thank you for a lovely post. I take my meds routinely and thankfully do better than many members of my family, all of whom have been diagnosed with depression at some time or other. I do have to point out, as a white, middle class woman, that as a society we are far more tolerant of this illness in the wealthy and white than in other communities. Mental illness is hard and horrible even when you are otherwise healthy, well fed, and financially secure. When you aren’t…
I take my meds routinely as well. They’re… OK. But they’re not a cure. And you’re spot on. Lots of communities in America won’t even discuss mental health, for fear of being seen as “weak.”
Depression is an illness like other illnesses. Only difference is, most don’t perceive it as such….open your minds & hearts to someone with depression. They need it.
That last sentence makes me see depression in a different light. It is something that can control you and it’s hard as hell to fight.
Depression is a ghost that sits in your mind and waits to com out. I don’t know what triggers it but it’s always there WAITING
It’s can make u crazy at times no meds can cure it just delays it. I feel if i talk about it really talk it helps me and people around me
LIFE IS TO SHORT LIVE IT
Keep talking, my friend. Here to listen.
I have been diagnosed with depression. So has my mother-in-law. One of the things I’ve always hated is when someone says, Just smile.
The mind is a lonely, densely populated desert.
“Just smile!” is the worst. It means someone has their own fears and trauma, and is afraid of depression. Nobody gets to tell you how to feel or look. You have a full time job taking care of yourself.
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