Conversations with the “smart” thermostat…
Britt: I’m always cold. You should know this about me. I’ll grab a sweater for 70 degrees, but let’s just hang out at 72.
Smart Thermostat: I can be programmed 539 ways! You can adjust me from your PHONE! You’ll save SO MUCH MONEY! I am SO SMART!
Britt: Why is it 64 degrees in here?
ST: Well, it’s morning. I turned it back last night. After you went to bed. I didn’t think you really meant 68.
Britt: I did.
ST: No biggie. You can always click “manual” and I’ll do whatever you want. YOU CAN DO THIS FROM YOUR PHONE!
Britt: Great. Why isn’t it 72 degrees now?
ST: I thought you were “away” and when you are “away” I get sad and return to 64 degrees because you always come running when it’s 64 degrees.
Britt: That’s sweet, but I’m cold. And I clicked “manual,” so really, I got this.
ST: Awesome. Did I mention I can be programmed 4,923 ways. FROM YOUR PHONE?
Britt: Yes, I’ve been told. But it’s 68 degrees again.
ST: I just can’t even with this 72 degrees, Britt. Go get a sweater.
Britt: Please stop being “smart.” My fingers are numb.
ST: OK. 72 degrees. FINE. I mean, the tool belt boys must be sweating, but whatever.
Britt: OH MY GOD WHY IS IT 64 DEGREES AGAIN?
ST: I’ll only “Hold until 6pm,” Britt. No one keeps the thermostat up that high for that long.
Britt: I do.
ST: (Not anymore)
Britt: I HEARD THAT.
*rips thermostat off of wall*
My thermostat, that refuses to stay at this temperature.
Blooms and Bubbles 
What brand, oh chilly scribe?
The one in the picture. My HVAC team sent a PDF of the instructions and offered to come over and program it for me, but ST and I have a relationship now.
Did you think about a Nest, or an Ecobee, or a Honeywell? Rumor has it all three offer pretty good UI.
My parents used to have a fan in their kitchen controlled by a switch called “Intellitouch.” It was a baffling pair of toggles that never behaved the same way twice. We all called it Stupidotouch.
72? in the Winter? I want to come live with you.